Coaching Virtual Teams

A good manager is also a good coach. But what if your team is a virtual one, spread out in different cities or countries? A lot of leaders with virtual teams choose to ignore that part of managing and prefer to focus their precious time on their projects, not their people. It is definitely taking the easy way out, but when their companies don’t particularly reward efforts at employee development you can’t blame these managers much.

Being good leaders, we know this is short-sighted, especially when there is a dearth of good leadership which is only going to get worse as people switch organizations, opt out of corporate work, or retire.

Developing future leaders starts with being a great coach to them.  Building trust and respect is the foundation of coaching. I know your time is limited but adding a few minutes to your schedule should pay off when you don’t have to spend time onboarding a new hire after your employees quit for more enticing opportunities. Here are a few suggestions for developing trust and respect and for coaching those remote employees:

• Talk one-to-one via the telephone to each direct report periodically. Include a little “personal time” talk to find out what they did during the weekend, how their family is doing, and milestones for them and their kids. Write down their kids’ and spouses’ names and important facts like their hobbies or birthdays. Put the birthdays and other milestones into your calendar.

• Be sure and send a text or email message acknowledging those milestones when they come up in your calendar. Follow up with questions about events and people that are important to them. Your direct reports will be impressed that you remembered or cared. This is all about relationship-building.

• Listen carefully during conference calls and take notes. Listen to how your employees communicate and interact, ideas they may present, or priorities they focus on. Listen first of all for things you can reinforce with a little praise and appreciation. Listen second for things you can help them improve in order to be more successful. Respond immediately out loud on the call for the good stuff. Call them later for a ‘coaching to improve performance’ conversation for the other.

• Stay collaboratively influential with social media. Be sure your team has a Yammer or Sharepoint site, or even a Facebook page where you can share ideas and observations with each other. Besides messages about the projects your team is responsible for, this allows you an open forum for team coaching.

Studies have shown that 5:1 is the “magic ratio” for optimum relationships. That means in order to develop and maintain good relationships (whether personal or professional), there should be a minimum of 5 positive interactions to every negative one. That’s even more important to keep in mind when you can only communicate virtually. Just talking about business all the time is neutral, and not necessarily a “positive interaction”.

How to manage performance and coach employees to develop is a challenge when it’s face-to-face, much less virtually. Managers need to be even more vigilant and observant in order to detect those teachable moments and identify those coachable direct reports. But if you don’t want your people to jump ship at the next opportunity, you need to be the boss they want to work for. That means helping them be successful in their current work and coaching them on how to be ready to advance in their careers. No matter where they are.

How do you build trust and respect with your virtual team members?

Communicating with your remote team members can have unforeseen challenges.

The Playing for Change folks must be incredible at virtual teaming to come up with these amazing performances!

Your Department’s Reputation = You

Twenty years ago I worked at a company that was and still is known as one of Fortune Magazine’s 100 Best Companies to Work For. My department and most of the people I worked with were fun and supportive. We worked hard, had a chance to be innovative, and were appreciated for our efforts.

But one department that I had to work with on a regular basis was a nightmare for me. In fact, the department was so difficult to work with that it had acquired a nickname in the company - the “Estrogen Explosion”.  Needless to say, the top two or three people from the vice president on down were women who perpetuated the B-word. And I don’t mean boss.

I had many run-ins with these women and I often left our bi-weekly meetings feeling frustrated and put-down. My own boss, a very nice man, didn’t have a clue as to how to work with them effectively and so I didn’t receive any coaching on how to deal with their behavior.

I tried everything I could think of to improve the situation. I hosted appreciation events with both of our departments to strengthen working relationships. I tried holding my ground and talking sternly back to them when they got on my case. I tried letting their sarcasm and snide comments wash right over me without reacting. In the end, they “won” as I left the company, feeling exhausted and somewhat abused. My nice boss had left two years earlier and had been replaced by one not so understanding or supportive. Between him and the constant stress from working with the Estrogen Explosion, I needed a long break and I took it.

I was one more person who left a good job with a good company due to poor leadership.

Do you know what your department’s reputation is? Is your team known for being easy to get along with, knowledgeable, and high-performing? Or do other employees dread inter-departmental meetings with your people?

I have experienced both extremely collaborative departmental cultures and the opposite. Sometimes the team is on the whole very cooperative except for one odd person who is insecure or competitive or both. Leaders set the tone - they reinforce the values which become the culture of their areas. If they are competitive, secretive, and power-mongering, then their organization will tend to be the same. If they keep themselves and others accountable to a higher set of behaviors, then those will morph into the culture and reputation of not only their department, but will become their signature leadership qualities as well.

As one (and not the only one) of the casualties of the Estrogen Explosion, I observed first-hand the different leadership styles and their effects on the people around them. This experience was one of the catalysts for changing my career from international sales and marketing to a coach and consultant. So I did get something positive from that prolonged ‘learning experience’. And I pass my hard-earned wisdom on to anyone who needs it.

From my position now as a leadership coach and trainer, I know that there were things I could have done at the time had I known of them. I can see that my behavior style was a direct opposite of the vice-president’s and her manager’s. Had I known then what I know now about flexing my behavior style, I could have mitigated the confrontations to some extent. Roles, responsibilities, and expectations should have constantly been reviewed because there was overlap between our two departments that also contributed to the conflict. And, my nice boss also had a behavior style which was in conflict with theirs. If he had understood what I do now, he could have coached me on quite a few options to try in order to improve circumstances.

What values are you reinforcing? What behaviors do your employees see you employing, especially when circumstances are stressful? Are you keeping others accountable to high behavior standards or do you let them get away with (seemingly) minor transgressions as long as you get the results you want? What you say and do ends up affecting your entire organization, but most of all, it affects you and your direct reports. Find out what your department’s reputation is, and if you want to change it, it starts with you.

Testosterone Explosion? 

Could Your "Difficult Employee" Have a Personality Disorder?

In a study of over 29,000 men and women in the U.S. workforce, it was determined that 18% of men and 16% of women have personality disorders that cause them to deviate from societal norms when interacting with others. The most common of these personality disorders, in order, were obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anti-social behavior, and paranoia. (Contrary to how the layperson usually defines it, anti-social behavior refers to behaviors such as lying, cheating and stealing.)

Personality disorders are less serious mental illnesses than diagnoses such as depression or bipolar disorder. But they do cause difficulties for the afflicted and those around them. Employees with personality disorders lost their jobs at about double the rate of those without disorders, and experienced serious problems with bosses or co-workers three times as often.

This study, published in the January, 2011 edition of the journal Industrial Relations, might explain any “difficult employees” you have. It seems every office has at least one. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is the most prevalent and usually the least offensive. I know my exercise teacher exhibits that at every class: when others try to help her take down equipment after class she gets upset when they put away things in the “wrong” place or wrap up cords and things the “wrong” way. If they try to help her by setting up chairs she will rearrange them so they are “just so” – alternating sets of two and three along each wall. We old-timers have learned not to help her and she appreciates that.

At work, these common personality disorders may show up as interpreting emails in distorted ways, taking innocent comments as personal insults, refusing to accept different ways of doing things, or seeing conspiracies where there are none. And of course, lying, cheating and stealing.

Although one of my clients told me, “Managers have to be psychologists!”, you really don’t have to be the one to make a personality disorder diagnosis, nor should you be. However, you should be alert to these types of behaviors so you can work with the individual in the best possible way. Just because someone has a personality disorder doesn’t mean they can’t still be a very valuable employee.

As with any employee, here are some management approaches to keep in mind:

   •  Assign responsibilities that may take advantage of their disorder’s challenges: for example, have them proof outgoing communications to ensure benign interpretation and proper procedure.
   •  Allow them to redesign tasks to fit their work styles.
   •  Ensure that your professional expectations are clear and hold them accountable when they don’t meet them.
   •  Understand that they may work best independently and try to assign responsibilities that allow them to do so.
   •  If there are repeated negative encounters with no improvement, yet the employee meets work output expectations, encourage them to take advantage of the Employee Assistance Program or other health benefits your employer may provide.
   •  Again, if there are repeated negative encounters with no improvement, it may be wise to consult with your legal and human resources departments to understand how best to deal with individuals with mental health challenges, and how to screen for them when hiring.

No one chooses to have a personality disorder. Diagnosed personality disorders are covered in the United States by the Americans with Disabilities Act, and are treatable.

The researchers estimate that their study results showing 17% of the workforce struggling with a personality disorder is probably low. Like my coaching client said, managers do need to be somewhat of a psychologist in order to be able to manage people effectively. It’s important to be aware of common psychological challenges that your employees may be dealing with and to have some options for managing them.

This Simple Exercise Can Transform Difficult Relationships

When I have a client with a difficult relationship with a boss or colleague, there is a simple exercise that I ask them to do. It is a transformational exercise that can become a life-changing practice.

It is simply to list the positive aspects of their “difficult person”. This includes anything from “he’s a snappy dresser” to “she held the door open for the person coming in after her”.  At first, my clients are so stuck in seeing only the negative that they have a difficult time with seeing anything positive at all.

In fact, another coach told me a story about a client of hers who was having a difficult time with some tenants. The coach asked her client to tell her some of her renters’ positive qualities. The client protested that there really wasn’t anything positive she could say about these people. The coach persisted, and after a long silence, her client said, “When they exhale, they breathe out carbon dioxide for the plants.”

We really do get stuck in a downward spiral when we only focus on the negative aspects of a person or situation. But once you notice even one positive aspect – even if it’s just that their breath benefits plants – then you start to break free of that negative hold. As you spend more time on positive qualities the spiral will switch directions. And as you move up on this emotional staircase and you leave behind the burdens of negativity, your vision will expand until you see more to focus on than just the parts you don’t like.

This is not to deny the difficult qualities that your boss or colleague may have. You have to learn how to deal with those irritating behaviors and frustrating situations (and a coach can help you with that too). But you can’t change them, only yourself. And why work yourself into a pit of negativity over them?

Take one minute every morning and list out all the positive aspects of your “difficult person”. This will spark you to start looking for the positives throughout the day - maybe even comment on them to that difficult person. If you do this simple exercise, I guarantee your relationship will start changing for the better.

Turning Down The Job
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason at MOVIECLIPS.com

Just watch till 1.29 seconds; after that it gets a bit raunchy.  Sorry!

Tips for Managing Your Narcissistic Boss or Employee

Do you work for a narcissist?

Narcissistic leaders draw attention to themselves. They tend to accomplish a lot, so they are often allowed to stay in their positions. But how they accomplish things can be brutal. And eventually, people have had enough.

The current uprisings in North Africa and the Middle East are supported by people who have finally had enough of their narcissistic leaders. What makes one a narcissist?

From the DSM-IV, the Bible of psychiatric disorders, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder is defined as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five or more of the following…”

There are nine behaviors listed, including “is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love”, “has a sense of entitlement” , “is interpersonally exploitative, i.e. takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends” , “is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her” and “shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.”

This not only describes leaders such as Qaddafi and Mubarak in the Middle East, but also describes many leaders in business. Do you recognize anyone you know?

If you have a narcissistic boss, you may be expected to work long hours with no recognition that you have any personal life. You will be expected to be brilliant and on top of things at all times, but will get no recognition for your hard work, and indeed, your boss may take the credit. The narcissistic leader abuses power, lacks empathy, and thinks that the rules don’t apply to them. They are special, and you are not and never will be on their level.

Don’t take anything your self-obsessed leader does or says personally. It’s never about you. Keep your conversations about work. You can try to talk to them about how you work best – it may be worth a shot to educate them about specific issues you’d like to see changed. But keep it professional and objective. Complaints won’t get you any headway with a narcissist, and attacking doesn’t help with anyone. If your narcissist is particularly abusive of their power, get out. They won’t change.

If you suspect you have a narcissistic employee, be vigilant. Don’t share personal information. Stay on top of any attempts to discredit you or others, and ask for accountability whenever there is a hint of transgressions. They will need coaching on how to be a team player.

At their core, narcissists feel inadequate. So contrary as it sounds, you can help your narcissistic employee by building their self-esteem: discover their strengths, help them develop them, and congratulate them on their successes.

Narcissists, as long as they are kept reigned in to some extent, can be top producers and valuable assets to an organization. So your narcissistic boss is probably here to stay. And if you have a narcissistic direct report, your leadership skills will be heavily tested. If you can positively manage your narcissist employee while still developing a cohesive, productive team environment, then you will have become an excellent leader.

Warning: foul language! Again.

Meritocracy vs. Cronyism: Coaching the Meritocrat

Most of us would prefer to work in a meritocracy – a place where one is successful because of their talent and ideas are accepted based on their merit.  Realistically, however, the world is not always conducted this way.  People are hired and promoted based on who they know, or as in the case of former US Ambassador Cynthia Stroum, how much money they donate to a political campaign.

Cynthia Stroum, a Seattle philanthropist and investor, was awarded her post as US Ambassador to Luxembourg based on the fact that she raised over $500,000 for Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign.  The fact that the President awarded the ambassadorship based on her favorable connections and wealth is not and was never a point of contention. Only 3 of the past 21 ambassadors to Luxembourg have been career diplomats.  Offering an ambassadorship to rich, loyal backers is an accepted practice in the United States.

Cronyism, the opposite of meritocracy, exists everywhere, not just in the highest levels of the US government.  In business, it may be referred to as “the old boys club”.  The emphasis on networking to obtain jobs and key positions acknowledges the fact that who you know can play an equal, and sometimes greater, part in your success than what you know and what you’ve accomplished.

All workplaces are a combination of meritocracy and cronyism, and from what I have seen in my work with a variety of organizations, the emphasis is usually on the side of meritocracy.   Having connections does grease the opening door, and it can be a deciding factor when determining who to hire given a  slew of candidates with similar talents.   But if someone cannot perform up to expected standards,  they usually don’t keep their position, whether or not they have wealth or connections.  Ambassador Stroum turned out to be a power abuser, and recently resigned from her position after an in-depth investigation of her leadership practices.  When diplomats request re-assignment to Iraq and Afghanistan from Luxembourg, it’s one strong indication of poor leadership. 

Beyond getting hired or promoted, maintaining good relationships are essential for getting projects approved and ideas accepted.  Most of us recognize that in order to be effective within an organizational culture we must do a certain amount of strategic networking.  However, a meritocrat does not acknowledge the fact that connections and relationships may come into play.   Meritocrats firmly believe that everyone and everything should be judged solely on their merits.  When their newest great idea gets shot down, they are outraged, affronted or confused.  Life is unfair in their eyes.  Obviously their idea was overlooked by short-sighted, clueless egotists.

Meritocrats, according to James Waldroop and Timothy Butler in their book  The 12 Bad Habits that Hold Good People Back,  are often those who scored well on standardized tests growing up.  They were rewarded for their hard work and intelligence, and expect that obvious exchange to continue throughout their lives. 

If you have a meritocrat on your team (or if you are one)  be aware of how destructive  this can be to their career, and how much it can not only limit their success, but their team’s success.  They may have excellent ideas that will never truly get off the ground unless they learn how to involve others.  Most meritocrats are hard-working, smart employees who want to contribute to the organization.  They need help to do that effectively, and before they self-sabotage.

Another way to look at it is that they haven’t grasped the nuances of their organizational culture.  They need guidance to understand how to get things done and as in any culture, the balance of merit and relationships needs to be taken into account.

As a manager of a meritocrat, coaching is required.  First of all they need to know that you empathize with their position.  Unless they hear something like “It does seem unfair.  Your idea is excellent, and it is a shame others don’t recognize it’s value”, they will not be open to hearing what you have to say next.

And what you say next is critical to them understanding that just having and communicating an excellent idea is not enough.  Do they want to be right, or do they want to be effective?  Do they want to get their own way or do they want to be successful in their project?  Naturally, we all want both, but that is not an option here. 

With questions, move the meritocrat from blaming and righteous indignation to generating ideas to dissolve their roadblocks.  Discuss what and who the obstacles are, and who needs to be involved.  What are the points that can be compromised on and how can the key decision makers be drawn in? 

Once you’ve pulled them into a solution orientation and they are started on an action plan, they will need reinforcement to stay on course.  They are meritocrats so they will fall back on their righteousness again.  Be sure you are there to remind them that what also has merit is rewarding loyalty, friendship and support.  And although that may look like “cronyism”, it is a fact of life. 

Model How to Ask For and Receive Feedback Gracefully

When I became a parent, I suddenly became very conscious of my table manners. I religiously buckled my seat belt. I watched my mouth. Being a parent is a lot like being a leader: you are under constant observation. You are a role model and your behavior is the best illustration of how you want others to behave. You aren’t perfect, so acknowledging that by asking and acting on feedback goes a very long way toward building trust and respect on your team.

Observing leaders welcome and act on feedback is inspiring to those around them. One of the skills you can model to your employees is how to ask for and receive feedback. Three simple questions should be the standard for your discussions with your employees, both one-to-one and in team meetings:

1. What I can do differently that will help you (us) succeed?
2. What can I stop doing that will increase your (our) chances of success?
3. What can I start doing that I haven’t been doing that will make you (us) more successful?

Ask these questions during their performance reviews, before starting projects, when debriefing projects, and at least twice a year to each employee.

When you get their feedback, model how to receive it. Simply say, “Thank you. I appreciate your honesty and thoughtfulness.” You don’t have to make promises that you will change. You don’t have to say you will think about what they have said. The best way to respond is by your actions. Do make sure you understand the feedback and ask for clarity or examples if you don’t. Then next time you sit down with them let them know what you have been doing differently in response to their feedback. That lets them know that you listen well, take what they have to say seriously, and are committed to personal and professional development. And as a result they will be more likely to be honest in their feedback to you.

By showing that you welcome constructive feedback, modeling how to receive it in a non-defensive manner, and then acting on it, your team members will be more open to it too. They will learn how to ask for and expect feedback from their colleagues as well as you. And that makes for a more productive team.

Happy World Statistics Day! Coaching ROI Is Several Hundred Percent

A lot of people I talk to have only a vague idea of what coaching is. They think maybe I am a cross between Lucy and her advice booth from the comic strip Peanuts and an airy-fairy motivational speaker. They don’t realize that there are stringent educational and professional requirements for coaches just as there are for any profession.

I suppose anyone can say they are a coach. However, to be a “legitimate” coach, one should have graduated from a certified coaching program and be credentialed, or in the process of becoming credentialed, by the International Coach Federation. All the coaches I know also have other degrees and experience. That’s what makes them good in their area of coaching, whether it is leadership and career coaching such as I do, or retirement coaching, parenting coaching, wellness coaching, or any of the other many niches out there.

In honor of World Statistics Day – which is today in case you didn’t know, I‘d like to share some statistics about the profession and practice of coaching.

The International Coach Federation is the professional organization for coaches, with over 16,300 members in more than 100 countries. The ICF is the only organization that awards a global credential which is currently held by more than 6,700 coaches worldwide, including me.

In a recent consumer awareness survey commissioned by the ICF, 15,000 participants age 25 and up in 20 countries were surveyed by the International Survey Unit of Price Waterhouse Coopers. According to a press release from the ICF:

The Global Consumer Awareness Study determined common areas in which people are using professional coaching today. More than two-fifths (42.6 percent) of respondents who had experienced coaching chose “optimize individual and/or team performance” as their motivation for being coached. This reason ranked highest followed by “expand professional career opportunities” at 38.8 percent and “improve business management strategies” at 36.1 percent. Other more personal motivations like “increase self-esteem/self-confidence” and “manage work/life balance” rated fourth and fifth to round out the top five motivation areas.

In previous research the ICF found that coaching is also generating a very good return on investment—a median return of seven times the initial investment for businesses—while being used for some of the same motivations mentioned in the latest study.

Companies large and small are optimizing individual and team performance through coaching. Despite the recent global economic climate, ibm.com of North America reported a 563 percent return on investment from its coaching programs that engage sales teams and managers within the company. Solaglas, a leading UK-based glass replacement and installation company, reported higher customer satisfaction and a return on investment of 490 percent. Company executives believe these gains are small compared to the long-term impact coaching will have.

Coaching is not a mystery. It offers real results. Try it.

Be the Best Coach They Ever Had

In one of the exercises I facilitate in my management training classes, I ask the participants to think about the best “coaches” and “mentors” they have had in their lives. What qualities did these mentors have? What behaviors did they display?

“They brought out in me things I didn’t realize I could do – they challenged me and believed in me, even more than I believed in myself sometimes.”

“They were straight with me and I knew I could trust them.”

"I knew they were on my side.”

“They encouraged me.”

“They were good communicators – they listened well.”

“They knew me, and I felt they cared about me.”

“They spent time with me – because they wanted me to have success.”

“They walked their talk – that’s inspiring.”

Variations on these comments are repeated every time. In short, the best mentors and coaches inspired them to stretch and do their best by getting to know them well enough to understand their strengths, weaknesses and goals. They gave them helpful feedback, and encouraged them to take risks in order to develop their strengths and move forward. They were effective communicators, and even rarer, good listeners. They were trustworthy and honest.

These are the characteristics of a great manager, not just a great mentor or coach. Great managers bring out the best in their people, and everyone benefits.

Challenge yourself: can you list the strengths, weaknesses and goals of each of your employees? Do you know what motivates them? Challenging work tied to a larger purpose is the common denominator that motivates everyone. But what does that mean to your employees? What kind of challenging work would they be most successful at? What larger purpose do they want most to be a part of?

When I asked managers if they knew the answers to these questions, invariably they would say something like “I’ve known Val for 15 years. I know everything about her.” I would challenge them to call the employee they knew best on the phone during the class and ask them a series of questions. Every single time, the manager was surprised at some of the answers they received.

Don’t assume – take the time to have an in depth conversation. Do this, and you are on your way to becoming the one they describe when I ask them in the management training class: “Think of the best mentor or coach you ever had…..”